I Need Understanding
The mind is a powerful thing. I have heavily been a person my whole life caught up in my mind or my thoughts. It’s been a place of comfort but confusion. Do you ever get caught up in understanding? I think I try to find understanding in all things. I often get caught away in the desires of others or the idea of others’ thoughts of me. Often I have tied up my identity in the thoughts of others it’s not often founded in the foundation of God. But that is the problem with getting your identity wrapped up in the opinions of others. It’s like I’ve been caught up in a vortex of negativity for so long I just keep spinning. I stop posting on social media as much because I value my thoughts and I don’t want others involved. I have stopped celebrating the wins of life looking towards the negatives that will most often come. If I stay let down I won’t experience the plunge of falling in the pit when I’m already in the pit. It causes me to become cold and heartless. Most often suffering in silence, instead of allowing myself to feel. I don’t even know if this makes sense. I just need some understanding!
If there is something that bothers me is someone painting a picture of a Narrative of me that is a lie. Unfortunately, i think it bothers me because of my lack of vision of my character in God’s eyes. The attack of character hurts me more than anything. I struggle with if I have any meaning in the world. Understanding my purpose and Executing it which is difficult for me. At 34 I’m still unsure of my purpose and trying to be motivated to find it. I guess I don’t trust myself to seek it and find it. All I know is I love kids. I love their smiles and laughter. I feel like I have to protect them from this big bad world. But I still struggle with will I be a good mother. Will I have the capacity to raise a child? Even the big question can I have kids? Nevertheless, I enjoy the connection to children. Then there’s my love to teach and learn new information. To be honest I love planning and creating. But I understand that is my purpose for the world but what is my purpose in the kingdom! I need some understanding!
If you like me a critical thinker and need some understanding let’s look to the word for comfort.
“My son, if thou wilt receive my words, And hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, And apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, And liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, And searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, And find the knowledge of God. For the LORD giveth wisdom: Out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.”
Proverbs 2:1-6 KJV
“My son, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you, So that your ear is attentive to [skillful and godly] wisdom, And apply your heart to understanding [seeking it conscientiously and striving for it eagerly]; Yes, if you cry out for insight, And lift up your voice for understanding; If you seek skillful and godly wisdom as you would silver And search for her as you would hidden treasures; Then you will understand the [reverent] fear of the Lord [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] And discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives [skillful and godly] wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
Proverbs 2:1-6 AMP
Here is my prayer for us seeking understanding and wisdom, comfort
Father, I thank you for all your grace and love toward me. Thank you for access to a present God who knows my troubles and my heart. Jesus forgive me of my sins. Your word says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.” Help me to understand Godly ways and thoughts. I pray for understanding of my purpose and wisdom to live out my purpose. I pray I can stay motivated with pure intentions. I pray against being double-minded and having ungodly intentions in my life. In Jesus Name I Pray Amen!
In my Pursuit of understanding I will lean on this scripture “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 KJV